Monkeys and Liam share one thing in common...

Liam, Liam, Liam...my sweet, cute as hell, hilarious little man...likes to play with, fling and eat his poop :-/. Yes, you read that right, unfortunately.
One afternoon, after he was done taking his nap, I heard him wake up and he was simply talking, playing and hanging out in his crib, so I let him, no big deal...or so I thought. After about 30 minutes (who knows how much of that time was spent playing with his poop) he started to fuss, so I went in there and as I turned on the light, something caught my eye, a diaper, on the floor, open and empty. UH OH. I looked at him and he seemed VERY pleased with himself  *this cannot be a good sign* well at first, I didn't think much of it cause I didn't see any poop residue in the diaper, so I went to go and get him out of his crib (thinking, he probably just peed everywhere..GREAT) and as I went to go pick him up, I noticed it...the poop smushed, ALL in between his fingers, on his forehead, on his hands and of course, on his chin/lip region *YUCK* I wanted to cry, die, run away, throw up, hide, all of the above! He on the other hand, was beyond proud of himself and began giving me a tour of his bed and how he had 'redecorated.' There were 4 poop clumps in his bed (no wonder the diaper was clean, he pooped directly in his bed), poop smeared on EVERY pole of his crib, yes, literally EVERY pole. Poop smushed into his blankets, on his feet, in between his toes, on the backside of his crib (how it got there, I have NO IDEA), on the bottom frame of his crib, poop in his hair, on the back of his shirt (apparently he is also like a dog and enjoys rolling in his poop) and basically everywhere that you could imagine, within the area of a 1 year olds crib!
I was beyond thrilled and disgusted at this mess that he had made for me! I didn't even know where to begin. So I did what any mom would do, I scrubbed his hands till they were red, scrubbed his face down, pried open his mouth to make sure he wasn't storing poop for the winter (BTW, it stunk in that little mouth of his, which assures me that he did eat it), picked him up, stripped him down and put on another diaper. I didn't want to risk him running around the house naked and peeing/pooping everywhere else. My next plan of action was to clean up the mess and then give him a bath. I am sure you are wondering, 'why not give him a bath first?' Well here was my reasoning...knowing my son and not knowing where he has smeared poop, if I get him all cleaned up, bring him back into his room to get him dressed, he will remember his poop storage, go to it and make another mess. So I needed to find ALL the areas of poop themed redecorating and get to scrubbing. Once I was done with that, 45 minutes, 2 bottles of lysol wipes, 2 rolls of paper towels, a striped down crib, vacuumed floors, 2 cubes of scentsy and a bottle of handsoap later, it was time for his bath.
Oh, if only that were it, but it is not...I go to start the bath and proceed to check his diaper for poop (I mean at this point, I have good reason to check the entire house for poop) and there was none in there, THANK GOD! So I go to take off his diaper in the bathroom and stick him straight in the bathtub and what happens...the most massive terd plops down into the bathtub :-|. *WHERE IN THE WORLD, did this thing come from* UHHHH. So I immediately yank him out, before he begins to try and play with it. Drain the water, take all the toys out for sanitization, find my naked poop monger and clean him down, again.
Well, after I find him playing in sisters room, I scoop him up, pray he hasn't pooped or peed anywhere, bring him back to the bathtub, start it all over again and luckily, this time, there was no poop! I mean had there of been more, I am pretty sure I would have cried, could you have blamed me?