Kinleigh's debut

Kinleigh, my monkey, this is for you! I have never sat down and written EXACTLY what happened the day you were born and the days that followed. Well, sweet girl, here you go! This is your story. How you entered the world, how you scared us within the 24 hours of your life and how you made us realize that there is no love like a child's love. We love you very much!

The day before your birthdate, I had what would end up being my last doctor appointment. I went to the appointment and Dr. Schaus suggested that she induce me, to get you hear more quickly, instead of waiting. I was all for it for many reasons: I had been in a S.L.O.W. labor with you for about 4 weeks, I was beyond miserable, it was beyond hot, you were my first kid and I could not wait to meet you. So with all of these factors, I jumped on the chance to be induced and to hurry this thing up! I went home from the appointment, called your daddy and we secretly/publicly got excited/freaked out :) We packed our final stuff into our bags, tried to go to sleep that night (it was VERY hard) and set the alarm for 5am. The next morning when the alarm went off, we jumped out of bed, got ready and anxiously headed to the hospital. This was going to be the end of a very long and exhausting process and we were so very excited to meet you. We got checked in, went up to the room, got 'comfortable' and awaited the meds. It was just your daddy and myself cause we decided that we didn't want any family members or friends there, this was our journey and we wanted to be able to enjoy one another and you :) It was perfect!

Your daddy was so very nervous and excited all at the same time, it was so sweet to watch. The nurse came in, got me all set to go and started my pitocin drip (let me just say that the warning of 'that stuff will hit you all of a sudden and like a ton of bricks' is NOT accurate. The warning label on that stuff should read, 'Warning, this stuff comes rushing out of the IV, into your system and will run you over like 18 mack trucks in less than 10 seconds. BEWARE.') I was not aware......I went from happy to in LOTS of pain in about 10 minutes. The nurse came back in, adjusted the meds and broke my water (that is just one of the strangest sensations EVER). After 30 minutes, I was asking for stadol (yah, cause that stuff worked :/.....NOT). I was not very happy at the moment and I am pretty sure your daddy was wondering what we had gotten ourselves into. He was trying to keep me calm (he was reading a book to me) and I was trying to stay calm. I did not want to be that woman that other women could hear screaming down the hall. Within the first hour of having pitocin, I was asking (begging) for the anesthesiologist to come and hook me up with some good stuff, an epidural! Well, your daddy and I have 2 different versions of how the anesthesiologist came to be in our room......this is my version (AKA, what really happened), I told the nurse I wanted an epidural NOW and she told me that he was busy giving one to a lady having a C-section and that he would be in within the next 30 minutes (that is not good for me and my lack of pain tolerance). So, the next 30 minutes passed, or 2 hours, I am not sure really cause within that time period I felt that I was on a slow path to death. *Now this is where your daddy and I's version starts to differ* (This is still my version) However, I also know that within that time period, I heard a man suddenly appear outside my door (Hallelujah, 'The Man' is here) and he stopped right there to then talk to one of the nurses. ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME. I wanted to scream at him to get his butt into my room, give me the drugs and then make plans or do whatever it is he is doing. Now your daddy says that he did not hang outside our room at all and that he actually entered the L&D ward and came straight to our room and proceeded to give me the drugs. Either way, it felt like forever and a day until I got that all amazing epidural! When the anesthesiologist finally did enter our room, he walks into our room, sees your daddy and says, 'Hey man, you play in the worship band at Grace right?' I. MEAN. SERIOUSLY. My internal dialogue went as follows, 'listen guys, I am in the worst pain of my life, a pain that neither one of you will ever experience or would ever be able to handle.'  I was also thinking, 'Great, this man goes to our church and is seeing me in the worst possible state of my life and in my birthday suit. A.M.AZING.' Well, after they got through introductions, he looked at me and said something along the lines of, 'You need some drugs?' YEP. So he told me to sit up (which I was very mad at having to do cause in the TV shows and in movies, they can do it while the mom is laying down.) I didn't want to sit up, I couldn't sit up, it was painful to sit up and he made me mad for having to sit up. I know I gave him the death stare. Your daddy rushed over and gave me a look that said, 'if you say anything mean to this man, he will walk out that door and never return, choose your words wisely.' I listened to your daddy's look and kept my trap shut. The anesthesiologist gave me my epidural, got me settled and comfortable and left on good terms in my book cause well, he took away my pain, made me sleepy, allowed me to not feel like I was on deaths door, put a smile on my face and relaxed me sooo much that you quickly made your arrival. I say this because well before that, I was not progressing very quickly and I was not sure that I could do a whole day of labor, so it was nice to see a quick progression. From the time that the anesthesiologist laid me down after the epidural, to the time of your umbilical cord being cut=1.5 hours (1.25 hours of that was me taking the most amazing nap of my life). I was at 4cm when I got the epidural and 1.5 hours later I was at 10cm and ready to start pushing, saweet :) Dr. Schaus came in, got ready and the nurses came in to get me ready. I was feeling lots of pressure and ready to meet you. I pushed for 20 minutes and for a total of 4 times and you were in this amazing place we call the world! Your daddy was so amazing during the whole thing, he counted, kept me calm, held my hand, held my right leg (the nurse had the other one) and was just such an amazing partner during the whole thing. The minute you were born, was the minute I relaxed and laid back waiting to hold you.........your daddy cried and it was so sweet to see.

Then the scary part begins....
You were not crying at all when you were born and were covered in a white film (I knew both of these things were not the best outcome). Dr. Schaus dried you off a little bit, sucked your nose, rubbed your feet and tried to get you to cry. Your daddy at that point cut your umbilical cord. When you would 'cry' it was very wet sounding and had me very worried. They wrapped you up quickly, gave you to me hoping that you would start crying and when it didn't happen I gave you back to the nurses and told them to figure out what was wrong. They took you over to the little basinet on wheels where they cleaned you up and got you ready to be weighed. You still were not really crying or making much noise. I was beyond freaking out. Inside, I was thinking, 'what did I do, I should have let her come on her own, I shouldn't have been so selfish, I should have let nature take care of it, what if she doesn't make it? what if they don't figure out whats wrong?' I had so many thoughts in my head and I couldn't help but start crying (which were not happy tears, they were very sad and worried tears). They whisked you off to get weighed and your daddy followed to get pictures. He then returned and you did not. During this time, I started shaking uncontrollably and they could not get it to settle down (apparently, this is a side effect of having an epidural). I also had absolutely no feeling in my left leg. It was a whole 45 minutes before anyone came in, after you were taken from us, to let us know what was going on with you. The nurse told us that you were not maintaining breathing on your own and your oxygen levels were very low. She also told us that we would not get to see you for the rest of the day (at this point, it was only 2pm) because you were going to have to spend your afternoon and evening in the NICU. At this point, I lost it, I could not stop shaking and was far from being calmed down. I knew that this was all my fault (which, now I realize it was not, but in the moment, it was all my fault). Your daddy was pretty upset as well, but he knew he had to stay strong for me and so he made me focus on getting better so that I could get up, walk around and then go to my main room to relax. I knew he was right. The sooner we go to that room, the sooner we would get to visit you in your mobile basinet (with all your tubes in you and all your monitors stuck to you). I focused on getting better and 4 hours later, your pediatrician finally came in, after having checked on you and told us the exact same thing the nurse did and that you would be fine but that you did have to stay in the NICU. He also told me that we would get ONE visit with you that evening. This would consist of us sticking our hands into a covered basinet thing and touching you that way (no holding, no squeezing etc.). I was heartbroken. I also remember being frustrated with the nurses because we had seen them 2 times since you were born and neither time did they say that you would be fine (now looking back on it, I understand why, but at the moment, that was all I wanted to hear). I finally was capable of being moved and when the night nurses came in and switched with the day nurses, we were FINALLY able to go and see you :) We could not have been more excited to see you. The nurse put me in a wheelchair, wheeled me down to the NICU and your daddy and I walked over to your bassinet thing. It was the saddest thing ever to see you laying there. I couldn't help but start to cry, your daddy as well. All we wanted to do was to hold you and we couldn't. You were all hooked up to stuff, there were tons of different sounds in the background, you were not a normal color (turns out you had jaundice) and there was a respirator doing some of your breathing for you. We were beyond overwhelmed with it all. I didn't know what to do or what to say, so, I just stood there crying with my hand over your hand. From my point of view, you were so little in that big thing and all those large monitor patches on you. In reality, you were a big baby (7.14lbs). We could only stay for about 15 minutes and then they made us go back to our room for the evening. That 15 minutes was how much time we spent with you on the day you were born. Best 15 minutes of my life.

We got back to our room, got 'comfy' in my hospitable bed/couch bed (for your daddy) and laid there in silence. Neither one of us had anything to say or really knew what to say. We eventually fell asleep and in the middle of the night (during one of the visits from the nurses, cause, see, the nurses, they like to wake up new mommies who really need sleep, but instead the nurses want to poke, prod, check and monitor mommies) I called down to the nursery to check on you and there was GREAT NEWS!!!

You were breathing on your own, maintaining your oxygen levels and were doing great. You would be able to visit us the next morning as soon as the nurse switch occurred and your pediatrician had come to check on you. Well needless to say, the next morning came V.E.R.Y. slow. Your pediatrician though was there bright and early to clear you and you were in our room around 9:30am. Needless to say, we were so happy to finally get to meet you, hold you, touch you, spend more than 15 minutes with you and love on you!

More to come later my sweet girl! Mommy is tired :)